Been away for a while, start of a new football season and with the idiocity of our local school system, we did not get to do our summer program for the kids. This means that our eighth grade football team was left to their own devices all summer to stay in shape and be ready to play. They also only gave us two weeks of prep time before our first game. So, not only are we supposed to shape couch potato kids into athletes in two weeks, we are also supposed to teach these kids what their responsiblilities are within the system. Oh yeah, I can’t forget the intangibles such as team spirit, confidence, discipline, and the like. What do I look like a miracle worker?
Kind of reminds me of the people who call me interested in personal training and say, “I have to look good for my sister’s/aunt’s/brother’s/(insert VIP here)’s wedding. I meant to call sooner but I was busy.” When is the wedding I ask trying to get a plan formulated in my head only to hear the reply, “It is in two weeks. Can I loose 20# by then?” At this point, I have the same reaction I do when I ask one of my players to repeat what I just said. I try to calm myself and repeat internally, “Don’t cuss at the children. Don’t cuss at the children. Don’t cuss at the children,” and try to continue speaking like a rational human being instead of screaming, “Are you stupid or something? What kind of S4B, dumb4$$ idea is that?”
I say to these poor, deluded souls, “You are shit out of luck.” Okay, so I can’t keep from cussing at this stupidity. “We can make a good run at it and strip off some water weight and maybe an inch or so but you are not going to like it…” I then go into an explanation of how strict their diet must be, how much cardio they must do, and what kind of weight training I will have them do. Some say, “I’ll try. I need to do something but I can’t today. Can we start tomorrow?” It should read manana not tomorrow. Manana (pronounced man-ya-na) for you gringos that don’t speak spanish is a word that doesn’t mean tomorrow but instead means another day. They leave and never come back. They I’m sure go to one of my less scrupulous competitors and get taken for their cash because the schmuck tells them what they want to hear. Or they just resign themselves to picking a more flattering outfit.
Not so for my footballers, they are stuck with what we got. We run them, yell at them, try to teach them that the suffering they endure today is leading to a reward at game time. Cram what we can into the time we have. This season it turned out to be enough. We got our first win yesterday. I was not happy with their performance. I saw mistakes on every play. I will say I was incredibly proud of how hard they played. It was a big step. Exactly like the big step those last minute exercisers make if they go for the cram session style of training. They have worked through the hard part and are to the point where we can get some real work accomplished. But, I know those boys will be there for practice this afternoon. I also know Miss I can wait until the last minute won’t be there after the event.
This is born out statistically across the country not just a unique happening for my personal training business. The majority do not exercise but have purchased a gym membership in the past 18 months. The majority of gyms have a 10% usage rate among their membership on any given day. Why? Because everyone is looking for the quick fix. Everyone hates to hear the bad news. Everyone doesn’t like to do the hard work as much as they like to sit on the couch. EVERYONE! Not just the fat, lazy, out of shape people that make excuses for why they are what they are, even Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, and Usain Bolt all like to sit on the couch and rest instead of working out so hard they puke. The difference is that elite athletes, workout enthusiasts, and even the successful “I just wanna lose 15#” crowd sit on the couch after they get their work done instead of instead of doing their workout.
That’s the simple difference between those that suck and those that don’t. You gotta get your work done before you get your reward. So, this is the simple moral to my rambling, random rant expressed here: DROP YOUR BS EXCUSES AT THE DOOR. GET TO WORK. DON’T GIVE IN TO YOUR PAIN. BE PERSISTENT. BUST YOUR ASS. DON’T SUCK FOR ONE JUST ONE DAY. Good news is that you can now go collapse on the couch. Bad news is that you gotta do it again tomorrow.
If you need me, I’ll be around.
As a post script, if anyone from the LCPS athletics department reads this, please don’t misunderstand my opening paragraph. I want to restate my feelings in a clear unambiguous manner. YOU SUCK! YOU SHOULD PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR SELF-CENTERED ASSES AND ACTUALLY CONSIDER WHAT WOULD HELP THE KIDS MORE NOT WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. CONSIDER THIS MY MIDDLE FINGER.
